A book about the misery

I just read this

There has been a lot of tragic things going on lately, or at least in the past years, A lot of tragic deaths, Losing Bragi, was by far the most tragic thing that ever happened, But then there was this other thing, When Anna Lindh was murdered, That hit me really hard even though i didn't know her personally, but we were there. In the middle of ll the chaos that followed.
What Tessan just wrote gave me chills, brought that feeling back, and when i think about it I remember it as if all the lights in the building were dimmed down, as if half of the lights were turned off.. but they weren't, I know it wasn't like that and that i remember it wrong, but it was just an awful awful time, with therapy and anger and frustration , and maybe it hits hard right now because of the past weeks events, even though this was all dealt with in a beautiful loving way, when Anna died it was chaos, I just remembered day after day being attacked by people who wanted to see where she died and asked us why we hadn't done anything about it, and reading what Tess wrote just brings back the horrible horrible feeling.

Anyway they just wrote a book about, will definitely read to get some explanations..

Vv Brown and Anka

After last nights crazy dinner at Jones, VV Brown at Bardot, 35 dollar parking and a makeover, I planned to just take it easy today, but instead I ended up going to Anna Anka's cocktail party to help her choose an assistant for her new TV show, ended up having a really good night. Funny enough it was in the presidential suite at the four seasons in Thousand Oaks so i went up there yet another day this week! And i have to say , I am now a bit of a Anna anka fan, she was actually a really nice person, a character for sure, but she is a nice person. i liked her and i think all of you swedes should give her a second chance, and her assistants were all so cute. Do NOT miss the show!



Now I'm full of cheese, probably had a bit too much considering my lactose intolerance, but it was all worth it!
well, it is nothing compared to what bits has going on.. and since the parents are here we are sharing a bedroom tonight..

The food

The team

My ass is cold

As usual when it comes to me things never really go as planned, we were just gonna have a nice relaxed Saturday and all i wanted to do was finish the cleaning up and then go to the beach, but just as Betsy was leaving to go get her parents we realized that something was wrong with Josh again.. there was just a lot of pee everywhere and jadi jadi.. so i ended up having to pack him and Becks in the car and go to the Vets thinking that I only had to drop him off.. but we ended up sitting there for 3 hours, and finally going home without the cat..

And then we left for the beach around 4pm and it was freezing cold, still insisted on sitting outside to have a coffee and my ass is still cold.. 3 hours later

Anyway, we are leaving the parents at home tonight to go and do whiskey shots (which for me means one glass of wine) and shake our asses of, just to think about something else for a couple of hours

At least its not raining..

I'm too tired to really write something, but I cant sleep.. again.. nightmares nightmares nightmares.. hate it and too much going on in my mind..My plan to just drink too much and then pass out didnt work, we ended up cleaning the apartment all night instead so we can have some people staying here over the weekend, the Chidgey house is a little crowded.

Been up in thousand oaks today again, except for the 3 grueling hours i had to work on B&B, and its so overwhelming the whole thing, the loss and the grief and all the love, and i just feel useless, I just wish i could do something to take the pain away from everyone!

And what am i doing a billion miles away from my family?

At least the kitchen is clean..

Tomorrow.. Brunch beach and then we are meeting for drinks goddammit (as Lukas would say)

nite

A day at the Chidgey's with the Pontz's

The white trash sisters

We bought some fleece to make pants, all inspired by Becky's sexy outfit, it was to die for! Wanda bought me another pair of socks as thanks for helping in the styling of her daughters.

Then came the kids and made the day better, didn't last long though after Becky whipped the doll out and scared all the kids..

On top of it all we saw a beautiful moon, Nancy's fancy house and the Spazmatics show at the canyon club.

Todays outfit

T-shirt: matt chidgey, pants: vintage fleece bag: plastic Here seen on Ms Becky

Breakfast

This has been the most beautiful night ever(given the circumstances) now I'm in a hotel room with the sisters after being chased by the cops.

its a wednesday

It's a beautiful day outside today, we are getting ready to go to the Memorial service for Matt, I'm sitting here, listening to Bii's and Beck's crazy conversation in the bathroom, miss my brothers, anyway i have to go now! xo

Today's outfit

Betsy's mum sent me theses all the way from Shreveport Louisiana!

A wedding and a funeral

Got my invitation today, My Bestis Efa and her Jan-å is finally getting married and I'm the maid of honor! I was put in charge to arrange the music for church and the party and we have finally come up with the perfect solution, our other child hood friend Mejk (Erika) will sing and her brother who is an amazing pianist will play.. I'm so happy about this, it feels really beautiful and intimate and I can't wait. I just hope that Efa and Janne will love it too..I'm not aloud to sing in church since I am a big cry baby and would ruin everything!

It's raining again, I picked up Becky, B's sister this morning at the airport, Josh is having a surgery today so we are gonna go pick him up tonight, betsy finally got home from thousand oaks, she is asleep in my bed next to me, absolutely exhausted from dealing with all the practical stuff and the grief, Im going up there for the musical tribute and memorial service tomorrow. I just wish i could do more..

Kelly had her baby yesterday, thats amazing, but so weird how one life ends and another one starts..

been dealing with stupid stuff today, I was paid with a check last week that bounced, and I got stuck with the fee for that plus an overdraft fee a' 34 dollars.. Bank finally called me back and said they are taking care of it, after I've called and been in to the office..

And then I got home and realized my phone bill from being in australia is $250 dollars, and that's insane.. I made sure before I left that that wasn't gonna happen, and i didnt even use it there since I had my Aus nr, also the stupid idiots have when they added a international email plan for me, taken off my message plan which they should not have done so i have been charge for each text message sent and recieved this month.. so stupid, and so tiring that i have to deal with there mess ups, its always the same.. Feel like I have more important things to do right now.

My furry friends

I just scrolled through my own blog, trying to find a picture that i can't find anywhere else, I realized that except for being sick a lot, I blog about cats and dogs way too much! I really didn't realize.. and still a lot of people read this blog every day, so why have you not told me?

Romeo the Lover and Denni the Dog

Romeo back in the days when we lived together:

Romeo now, prepared to attack everytime i walk by or play with the dog:

Romie and Denzel hanging out:

Romeo after he decided to be my friend(think he lost Denni though,note the tail in the corner):

I am at Sofia's today, she's away on some trip so i am taking care of the boys! Thought it was gonna be easy, and it is with Denni of course,We had a nice dinner and after that we shared a Mc Flurry.. but god Romeo has grown up to become a feisty little boy, he decided that i should not be here at all, he has been attacking me all afternoon and night, my hands are all scratched up and i had to keep my jacket on cause he kept jumping at me from behind on the couch, I eventually just got really mad and hissed back and it worked, he came around and laid down next to me, and know he has moved onto my lap and pushed Denni away so Denni is now in the foot end off the blanket.. Weird animals!

Aftermath

The aftermath of this storm.. Haiti, the beach and Matt's death.
What a dark rough start of the new year. Hopefully we can find some meaning in it all, maybe it is to make us stronger, or maybe, just to stop for a minute, a minute to think about what's important in life and what's not, and to send a thought to the people in our life's. To remember to show our appreciation and to be there for one another and maybe to realize that alone is not stronger..

I've been reading the facebook page that Betsy set up for Matt, it was suppose to serve as a easy way to inform everyone of what is going on, where to leave flowers, what to bring to the family, time for memorial service etc. but the members started pouring in, and so did the words. I have been reading and reading, Laughing and crying,I barely knew him, but the print he left with all of these people, all the memories they are sharing with each other, all so positive and funny, and they all talk about what an inspiration he's been, What a good friend, teacher, entertainer, musician he is,he was really truly loved for all the stuff that he brought to the table, for all of his craziness and brilliance. He seems to have made a difference in a lot of peoples life's.

And isn't that what it all is about? Is that not more important than anything? What you give, how you make other people feel? Especially in my world, this fast spinning egoistic gadget focused world that we live in, just stop to take the time to make someone laugh, or to be a shoulder to cry on, to give a hug when someones hurting or just had a rough day, to donate a minute of your time and some money to people in need, even if they are complete strangers, To see the people around you and to appreciate what you have right here right now.

Cause when it all comes down to it,It is about what you leave behind. Your footprint. does that make sense?
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

And so it is

And life goes on.. had to work today, not fun with the hangover yesterday left me with, still didnt drink that much might have been more the tension and crying and all, felt like shit anyway!

The day was long and cold but filled with interesting meetings, musicians are so much nicer and easier to deal with than all the up tight actors.

Finished down in long beach at 10.15pm, got in the car stressed tired and cold, were fibbling with the gps i-pod and the heat all at one's when suddenly there was a police car, or three.. decided to look stright forward and drive past slowly but i guess the signals to my brain didnt really go through so instead i made a left turn on a red light..

hurried home to change for tess's birthday party in hollywood, the window was open and it was 10c outside and super cold in the apartment than god, had it not been i would have stayed in..
slapped the mask on my face and my parka over my shoulder , headed to Tess, managed to talk to Lina and Tess for about an hour ( couldn't even make the effort to be nice to anyone else,had been talking over live rock music all day) and then my eyes just would not stay open any more..
finished my sprite headed home and got stuck at a stop sign for about 4 minutes until i realized it wasn't gonna go green ever..

Tomorrow have to get to the beach or i will suffocate.then im meeting Corina an then Its DENNI time, i get to have Denni the dog for a whole 48 hours to myself! haven't seen him in a while and we have lots to talk about..

house is really empty tonight, sleepless..

I DONT BLOG ABOUT FOOD BUT DAMN, THIS ONE SAVED THE NIGHT ( THE WINE HELPED A TAD)

And the fact that I had dinner with three girls that went to school for the gifted AND they all happen to have a great sense of humour (my kind) and big warm,kind hearts

and the waiter was cute too but i didnt dare take a picture of him after all the trouble we were causing, though he did thank us for being the funniest party of the night.. (all positive things thrown at me now are highly appreciated)

And then to top it off we slipped in to our pj's, drank more wine and watched Brit and Jemaine. I think we managed to ease Bits mind for a bit..
Until next time,
take care be careful, drive safe, always bring your cell phones and call me if you need anything anytime!

Todays hair:

Anything to distract my mind! And tonight is the Haiti benefit, that put things in a bit of perspective. Bii's family is flying in here tomorrow, it will be crowded, any one got a comfortable couch for a lil Swedish girl for a couple of days? Now dinner and a well needed bottle of wine..

Todays Weather

Ta da: Hail

Life

So random. You never know what to expect out of it. Life.Where it will take you and where it will end.
Here I am walking around worrying about people I know that are of age or have Cancer and other life threatening diseases going on. And not that I want them to die, I am terrified of them dying, but if and when that happens I am in some way prepared for it. You know that it might come in a near future and it allows you to start wrapping your head around it. And all deaths are unfair and unnecessary for me, but when something like this happens, so totally random and completely unexpected, it is so unreal, so hard to grasp. But in any case I am left with this emptiness, this void that can't be filled. And a little bit of anger, but mostly it leaves me just with the big WHY?

My mom one's told me that there really is nothing worse than losing a child, and that no one should ever have to go through it. And she knows. And I can not even begin to imagine what that must be like.

So today my thoughts go out to all of them that lost a dear friend, cousin, family member in Matt, but most of all to Katie and Jerry that lost there son.

A truly sad day!

Matt was found dead a couple of hours ago. Way too soon! unfair and unnecessary!

Missing

Just woke up to terrible news, Bii's cousin has gone missing,the one where we spent thanksgiving, he went for a hike on Wednesday afternoon and never came back, search teams have been out since yesterday, they have been searching all night,and are still searching, still no sign of him, Its awful. I don't know what to do or say..

A 4 year old

Gustav said the other day that he wants to go to my house, to visit me, I wish he could,Miss him much, but its a little too comlicated to fly between Sweden and LA for one day..
He was also a little sad cause none of the girls at day care wanted to be in love with him.. But now Nova said she will! So I hope he's happy. Wish I was 4 again..He's gonna be such a heart breaker when he grows up!

Festival Time

I want to go to Coachella so bad this year! Best line up ever.. And the best friends are going.. Must make happen.

Should have brought dry socks instead of fruit..

NAH

i'm gonna do it! im facing the storm, bringing fruit. for protection?

Le Storm

"Two Planes Bound for Burbank airport struck by lighting"

"LA coast slammed by tornado- like storms that flips cars, flood streets and strands motorists"

And I decided to ignore the rain and my cold and go for my walk on the beach, geared up in my rain coat baseball cap and hoody, and now they just said on the news that the storm is coming in over Santa Monica in about an hour so maybe it is not a great idea to go.. I don't mind the rain, just scared of the lighting since my friend was struck and died during a summer storm, but i'm so bored from being indoors, I've made all my calls, written all my emails done 5000 submissions this morning already..

Ah what problems I'm dealing with.. think HAITI, im not gonna tell you to donate cause I know you all have already, but if not.. 1 dollar is better than no dollar.. also you can clean out your closets on these rainy days and start pulling out clothes and blankets that can be donated to eventually ship to the one's that lost it all!

AGAIN????

So, I thought my deal with God was that he would give me a fever for 4 months (sep,oct,nov,dec) and then I would never have one again? And I would definitely never have a cold again, but all I can taste is snot? so What happened?

sleepless in LA

My two favorite bands at one table

Met Eva and Pedro then Bardot Beer and Jolly people. Best Pastrami sandwich almost ever at Canters. Jodie Sweetin's B'day partay, and a girl who actually liked Lukas's hairdo.

All that and I still can't sleep.

Just had a great meeting with my Agent, I'm really exited!! Now I have to find something to wear, off to birthday party and then Bardot!

C.L.A.S.S

Hi there,
Yesterday was looong but fun! Got home around 1am or so, It was one of the more fun shoots, cast and crew was great, exept for the guy playing the serial killar (horror flick) and who was also my professor, he played it to safe, a little boring but the others were really great, defenitely gonna watch it when it comes out, I'm also getting an IMDB credit for it, always welcome, and despite the fact that we had Mc Donalds for lunch and Pizza for dinner I had still lost 1kg when I stepped on the scale this morning.

Today is tornado warning day rain is pouring down, and I am going in to my Agents office for a meeting, planning for 2010. She has already gotten me auditions this year, unfortunately they were both when I was still in Sydney but still.. The business is picking up and everyone seems to be really busy, which is great!

Still chasing money, but I did get some positive news yesterday, so we'll see.. still have another month to work it all out!!!

Ta Ta,
J

Work

Mornin,
Managed to force my eyes open this morning, it wasn't easy, and i'm still yawning after 6 cups of coffee.. off to shoot a movie with Tom Sizemore today, Just saw him 2 days ago in an episode of celebrity rehab that B made me watch, and then he was smoking meth.. it was very interesting, and this will be an interesting day..

Breathe

Beach was empty today, it was raining, so nice. All day I have just been taking everything slow, breathing, thinking, just being. Worked yesterday and I am still really jet lagged. The most exiting thing that happened all weekend was that I spoke to Dylan ( the black Cocker puppy) over skype, and then I showed Pete for mum.. silly I know, God I miss the dogs! And know we are all tired, TV night, gonna wake Pete up and keep him awake until its time for bed and then hopefully he will be to tired to run laps over me tonight..
Hope you had a good weekend! Another week again tomorrow.. (except for that it is a holiday here, Martin Luther King Day)
Much Love