Nightmares

I woke up in the middle of the night, crying and with my heart racing inside my chest. I had the absolute worst nightmare I have ever had.. or i remember another one that was kind of the same from when I was a kid but I think this one tops the list! I am almost scared of saying what it was cause it was so awful but I'm gonna say it an hope that by saying it out loud it will never ever happen in real life. EVER. In my dream my parents died. It was terrible, horrible awful. And the weirdest thing is that i also dream't about there new bedroom wallpaper that I still have not seen and I hated it in the dream and my mom got so sad..

I think this is my brains way of coping with everything that I've been trying to hide in there for the past month, all the feelings that I have pushed away, and not dealt with. I think the only way for my brain to deal with the death of my Grandpa is to ambush me while I'm asleep and can't push it away!

Anyway, I got up at 7am and went for a long hike and thought about it all, and I feel a little better now, but it was so scary that I am still a little bit shaken from what my mind just did to me. Now I have to just pull my self together and get ready for my auditions that I have today!