Make today better.

 Happy birthday Matt, I hope you will be celebrating where ever you are.. 

Today is weird,  my mind is just filled with black clutter, my stomach is twisted inside out and I don't know where to start with myself or what to do with anything. Catch 22 again.. Panic. And Matt's birthday, thinking about the family and friends.. My Betsy..

Should i stay or should I go? I can't decide, But I don't really have a choice either. i keep waiting for that day when I will just wake up and have all the answers.. But I don't know, i just don't know..

Anyway,I decided to put work down for a couple of hours, can't focus anyway and I'm going on a "breath and think walk.."